Well into my honest way if life, I find happiness in such odd events. Every hurdle I conquer makes me a stronger woman. And the hurdles that beat me seem impossible at times. I find strength I never knew I had and weakness I could not have predicted. Womanhood has found me and yet I experience times when it's challenged. After all time as being myself i was asked me to hide my identity as dress as a man when I came over to family's house. It's breaks my heart that my family would wish me back to that stage that almost killed me. they can't see the happiness womanhood has brought me because they want nothing to do with me now. To them a dead man is better then a happy woman. I wish I could say at this time that it didn't hurt me. I have compared my life to that of a burn victim where loved ones turn away because of appearance, Where underneath is the same person. Is it such a stretch to see that the woman I am was always there? Others feelings have always ment a lot to me. Protecting others feelings actually kept me from comming out as my true self for years and years. And as much as I wish the peace of mind for others I cannot give them that at the expense of myself anymore. I have to live and survive and that means living with no lies. I will say goodbye to those in my life that don't love me as I am. There has been a handful of family supporters and it has ment a lot to me, but I can't help but wish there was more. Those that support me thru my transition will always have a special place in my heart. I wish love was not conditional. I wish family never turned away. I wish I didn't care...
I have found true family in blood, and I have found true family in strangers. There is love and support all around if I look in the right places and not focus on the losses I have had. Everyday that passes I find myself more content. More pleased with my evolution. Happy that I don't have to lie.
I will continue to evolve, continue to grow into the woman I am. Without the title waves of opposition I have faced I know I would be a weaker woman. I can look back and see how events mold my future and it gives me strength to face more to come. I have learned to accept myself and I am slowly learning to love who I am. Although being trans isn't my identity, I identify as 100% female. I wouldn't trade my evolution in life for anything else.
There comes a time in everyone's life when they must come to realize that pleasing family is never the right path for their own welfare. As selfish as that may sound you can bet they are already doing the same thing or always have been. I to took a long time to come to that same conclusion. I kept trying to please everyone about me doing things for them. To the exclusion of my own happiness. Which in my situation and past suited them fine they loved that. Now they really don't know how to react when they see me doing things for myself and Happy about it. And you know what I could care less these days about just what they think about that. What will matter is if they care that I am finally happy in the end.
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