Prolouge

After thirty three years alive I don’t know where to start. I don’t know how to express the thoughts, confusions and feelings I have been dealing with all this time. I find it better to simplify it, not think about anything and just be the woman I am. Of course this does not always work, I can’t hide from the fact I don’t look feminine that the world sees me as male, but it does not matter. I am a woman regardless. I am not delusional I can see what I was born with, but I am also not naïve I can listen to my heart and know I am female. I’m sure others who have not experienced these basic gender identity issues may never understand or be able to comprehend how genuine it is. I’m sure it is considered a choice by most, or the effect of some childhood trauma. To me it’s my life and my reality. I hope by putting my life into words that others will understand who I am. And in return develop more into the woman I am, the woman I have denied existence to the majority of my life. I have wished in the past that I was normal, that I didn’t have these feelings. At that time I thought my feelings betrayed genetics. Later when I accepted the female inside me, I wished I was born a genetic female. Now that I have accepted the woman I am with my flaws, I wish now only that I could have become the woman I am sooner.