Adulthood and the woman

Where to start? I guess when I accepted I was a woman. I look back at her and remember that scared girl. In a new world not knowing how to express herself even in the smallest detail. I knew my life as “the man” was over. I was not sad about that but I was already in my 20’s I had missed how to be a woman altogether, so I was scared. It was a new step in my life I wasn’t prepared for. So in my fragile state I started trying to learn and be myself. I had to learn to be confident in myself it didn’t just happen. I had to after accepting I was a woman also accept I was not a pretty woman, or even passable as a woman. I had to accept my flaws, flaws I didn’t even know I had before. That scared girl in a big world after a bit of time, got the courage she needed. I came out to everyone close to me. Weird how this was one of the best times in my life the most liberating feelings, but also one of the hardest hurting everyone close to me. That was it, that was the hardest part right? I can now be myself now that its not a secret. I can be free from my own prison. So I started to dress more and more in public, wearing makeup, pierced my ears, shaved my body, well this list goes on and on. Every day I would learn something new about myself some good some bad. I have gotten to the point in my life that I have a confidence in myself I didn’t think would ever come. I can go in any situation and be myself now, dress appropriately to my gender. of course I get those “looks”, but its ok now I can not let that bother me, the looks seem less and less these days. Either I have learned to ignore it or the confidence I feel shows. Or perhaps its some of both. Dressing and makeup is a small part of my evolution. I also became very disgusted with my male name. being referred to with male pronouns. A long list of things I wanted to be put behind me. I wish I could say it over but its still a ongoing struggle getting others paradigms about me to change. So I take one step at a time. One day at a time.